image_pdfimage_print

Lost in Translation

Two Hillbillies

Two Hillbillies

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?’
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I never seed nobody done it.

Ig Nobel 2015

If you ever wanted an offbeat scientific question finally answered, you are in luck. Leave it to the finalists of the Ig Nobel to answer some of the most burning questions for you.

We finally have confirmation that a bee sting on the male penis hurts like hell. Although any man can tell you that anything happening to your penis that is not for pleasure hurts like hell, we now have confirmation of that :
Michael Smith estimates he was stung about 200 times during his 2012 honeybee study. His conclusion: The three most painful places to get stung are the nostril, the upper lip and the male sex organ.
Ig Nobel Prize ceremony at Harvard University

Michael Smith, a Cornell University graduate student who allowed himself to be stung about 200 times by bees to determine where you feel the most pain on the body from a sting, makes an acceptance speech while being honored during a performance at the Ig Nobel Prize ceremony at Harvard University, in Cambridge, Mass., Thursday, Sept. 17, 2015. Smith research concluded that the nostril, the upper lip and the male sex organ feel the most pain. The Ig Nobel prize is an award handed out by the Annals of Improbable Research magazine at Harvard University for silly sounding scientific discoveries that often have surprisingly practical applications. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa)

Associated Press : Bee stings, research that makes you go ‘huh?’ win Ig Nobels

The True Story of Jack Schitt

Jack Schitt is the son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of the Kneedeep Schitt Inn. Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and they produced six children. Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after childbirth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt; two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt; and another son Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they have a son named Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt, and Horace Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spicy little number named Piza Schitt, and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt. Now you can proudly proclaim, “I know the true story of Jack Schitt!”